Archive for September, 2012

A private joke

September 23, 2012

Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their sex education teacher.

“I can’t believe we failed sex ed,” says the first boy. “My dad’s gonna kill me.”

“I know,” says the other. “I’m so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!”

Did Jew hear this one?

September 11, 2012

The Italian man says, “I’m tired and thirsty; I must have wine!”
The Russian man says, “I’m tired and thirsty; I must have vodka!”
The Jewish man says, “I’m tired and thirsty; I must have diabetes!”

A period of clarity

September 6, 2012

A salesman from Texas moved to California and applied for a job at one of those gigantic we-sell-everything stores. The manager said he’d give him a one day tryout. At the end of the day, the manager asked the salesman how many sales he made. “One.”
“One! Our salesmen average at least 20 per day! How much was your one sale?”
The salesman replied, “$175,000.”
“$175,000! What the hell did you sell?”
The salesman explained, “This guy came in and I sold him a fishing lure. Then I sold him a fancier lure. Then I sold him a fishing rod and reel. After that, he bought our 30-foot cabin cruiser. Then we realized his Honda Civic could never tow that boat, so he bought a Chevy 4X4 truck.”
The manager gasped, “Let me get this straight; a guy comes in to buy a fishing lure and you sell him a boat and a truck?”
The salesman explained, “Not exactly. He came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife. I told him, ‘Your weekend is shot – you might as well go fishing!'”