Things we would like to see:
After tornados destroyed the town, resident after resident said, “I thank the Lord for saving my family!”
I keep waiting for one of them to say, “I appreciate the Lord saving my family, but, next time, how about simply preventing the tornado?”
The condemned serial killer claimed voices in his head told him to kill. Next time, how about telling the voices to kiss his butt?
The killer committed a murder-suicide. Couldn’t he have done it in reverse order?
The religious fanatic encouraged his faithful to become suicide bombers. Please, can someone in the crowd respond, “You first!”
A man prayed to win the lottery. How about G-d replies, “Look – meet me halfway – buy a ticket!”
President Obama is half white. Enough about whether he was born in the U.S. When will someone question whether he’s really the first black president? (I mean he’s kind of cool sometimes, but, let’s face it, he’s no Will Smith).
The serial killer mounted an insanity defense – he claimed he couldn’t tell right from wrong. I’d love to hear the judge say, “If you didn’t know it was wrong, why did you hide the bodies in your crawl space?”
Shouldn’t all obituaries be required to state the cause of death? Doesn’t everyone want to know?