Archive for June, 2011

Special delivery

June 29, 2011

This guy felt pretty secure in his marriage until he and his wife moved from New York to LA, and he discovered they had the same mailman.

Overkill?

June 26, 2011

Why do prisons put some death row inmates on suicide watch?

SEALed with a kiss

June 25, 2011

What was Osama bin Laden’s last tweet?
“Hold on a sec’ – someone at the door.”

The Good Took

June 24, 2011

A priest suspected one of his congregants of stealing Bibles from the church. One day, the priest took the congregant aside and asked him point blank, “Have you been stealing Bibles from the church?”
The congregant answered, “No, Father!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! I’ll swear to it on a stack of Bibles!”

Trying to be cool for my kids

June 22, 2011

My kids kept leaving the door open, letting the air conditioning out. They looked at me blankly when I admonished, “Somewhere in Africa, kids are sweating!”

A veiled threat

June 18, 2011

It was reported that numerous female Saudi Arabian women protested the ban on female drivers by taking to the roads. Observers said that the danger to pedestrians resulting from the drivers being female, inexperienced behind the wheel, and wearing vision obscuring burkas, was roughly equal to the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

Feeling disoriented

June 6, 2011

A robber walked into the Bank of China and told the teller, “Give me all your money!”
The teller asked, “Is that to go?”

RIP

June 1, 2011

A widower went to a medium to try to communicate with his dead wife. After a few minutes, the medium said, “I hear your wife knocking!”
The widower inquired, “Who’s she knocking?”