Archive for April, 2011

My Jewish (s)mother

April 15, 2011

My mom is a Jewish jack-of-all-trades, which is to say, a maven. She interjects her opinion on any subject, whether solicited or not, using time honored techniques such as the correction, the interruption and the blunt “you’re wrong!”
I’m constantly amazed how she professes knowledge in subjects she has never studied or experienced. Doctor, lawyers, Indian chiefs should all come to her for advice. Recently, my dad was telling a story about his service in the Korean War. My mom started correcting him. I said, “How can you correct him? He was there, not you! You know nothing about Korea! If you woke up one morning in Korea, you’d look around and say, ‘What am I doing in Chinatown?'” The tragedy of her life is that she’s never gone through jury duty. Being in a locked room with 11 people being forced to listen to her opinions would have been like getting to Heaven without having to die first.
Her main competition in our family is my brother, who thinks he’s qualified to be a lawyer because he once beat a traffic ticket. He calls me up to ask for legal advice, and then starts arguing with me. I tell him if he’s right and I’m wrong, I’ll refund every penny of the legal fees I’ve charged him for the (free) advice.

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I hate to men shun it, butt…

April 13, 2011

I have nothing against gays, but I have to admit I can’t stand watching men kissing each other on television or in the movies. I have to look away. You might say I avert my gays.

7th century irony

April 2, 2011

News item: On March 20, extremist Christian preacher Terry Jones put the Quran on trial for murder and terrorism. Finding the Quran guilty, it was burned. Over the past 2 days, Muslims in Afghanistan rioted over this insult, killing numerous foreigners, shouting “Death to the infidels,” and generally burning and destroying. So basically, Muslims protested their Quran being found guilty of murder and terrorism by committing murder and terrorism.