If you travel back in time and have sex with your past self, are you gay or merely narcissistic?
Archive for December, 2010
How is being married 16 years like driving the slowest car in the Indy 500?
Either way, you’re unlikely to attain pole position.
What do you get when you mix vodka, orange juice and Milk of Magnesia?
A Phillips Screwdriver.
A guy and a blond were parked in a secluded spot, making out in the front seat. The guy asked his date, “How about if you go into the back seat?”
She replied sharply, “NO!”
A few minutes later, he again asked her to go into the back seat and again was rebuffed.
Finally, getting simultaneously turned on and frustrated, he asked her, “Why won’t you go into the back seat?”
She answered, “Because I want to stay up here with you!”
A cop pulled over a man with 5 penguins in his car. The cop said, “You have to take these penguins to the zoo!”
The next day the cop saw the same man with 5 penguins. He pulled him over and said, “I told you to take them to the zoo!”
The man replied, “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
As many of you know, actor Leslie Nielsen died recently. I’m picturing a scenario where he appeared before St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates, and demanded more time on Earth. St. Peter says, “But you lived to be 84! Surely, you can’t be serious!”
Leslie Nielsen would then then reply, “I am serious; and don’t call me ‘Shirley.'”
Interestingly, Nielsen was one of 3 actors from the movie “Airplane” to die this year. In March, Peter Graves (“Do you like gladiator movies?”) passed away and in October, Barbary Billingsley (“I speak jive.”) cashed it in. Kareem Abdul Jabbar, time for your annual check up!