Archive for November, 2010

The moderhate Palestinian party…

November 26, 2010

The article below is from Palestinian Media Watch (PMW). It details how Mahmoud Abbas, the leader of the so-called moderate PA, endorses terror by honoring mass murderers. In this case, the murderer was one of the senior planners of the Munich Olympics Massacre. Imagine an American heading up a conference dedicated to the memory and honor of, say, Timothy McVeigh. And you wondered why the “peace process” seems stuck in molasses. You might question why I’d present something like this in my humor blog. I guess it’s to point out that, as long as the Palestinians have leaders like this, the peace process is a joke.
Here’s the article:

Fatah again honors planner of
Munich Olympics massacre

by Itamar Marcus and Nan Jacques Zilberdik

Poster at the Fifth Sitting of Fatah’s Revolutionary Council, Ramallah Sitting named in honor of “The Shahid (Martyr) commander Amin Al-Hindi”
Palestinian Terrorist Amin Al-Hindi was one of the senior planners of the murders of 11 Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics in 1972. This week’s Fifth Sitting of the Fatah Revolutionary Council headed by Mahmoud Abbas was named in his honor.

The picture of the meeting shows Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas sitting in the center of the table and the text on the banner behind him reads:

“Palestinian National Liberation Movement – Fatah
Fifth Sitting of the Revolutionary Council
Shahid (Martyr) Commander Amin Al-Hindi Sitting
November 24-25, 2010
Ramallah – Palestine”
[Al-Hayat Al-Jadida, Nov. 25, 2010]

Earlier this year the official PA daily described his participation in the Olympic massacre, saying he was “one of the stars who sparkled… at the sports stadium in Munich.” The attack itself was referred to as “just one of many shining stations” in his life. [Al-Hayat Al-Jadida, Aug. 20, 2010]

Palestinian Media Watch has reported that the Palestinian Authority already honored Al Hindi after he died earlier this year.
PMW has reported on the ongoing Palestinian Authority glorification of terror


Carnival knowledge

November 24, 2010

A woman visited her new boyfriend’s house for the first time. As he gave her the tour, she noticed in his bedroom he had a teddy bear collection. There were 3 shelves: the lowest shelf had small teddy bears, the middle shelf had medium sized, and the top shelf had some huge teddy bears. Although she thought it a bit odd for a grown man to collect teddy bears, she kept silent.
Later in the evening, one thing led to another, and they ended up going all the way. Afterwards, she coyly asked him, “So, how was it?”
He paused thoughtfully for a moment, and responded, “I tell you what; why don’t you pick out a teddy bear off the bottom shelf?”

Up in the stratos fear

November 24, 2010

There’s been a lot of controversy over airport security recently. Now they’ve got these scanners, like something out of “Total Recall,” that either expose you to gamma rays or directly upload your naked image to the internet, the IRS and The Jehovah’s Witnesses. You can opt out, at which point they punish you with a full body pat down, which isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. Part of the reason for this is, you get patted down by someone of your same gender. Now I’m not sure if this policy is to protect the “feeler uppers (the “fu’s”)” or the passengers. Personally, as a guy, I’d prefer to be rubbed down by a woman, preferably one who’s shaved her legs this week. But what happens when gay passengers come through? Shouldn’t they get opposite sex fu’s? As an fu, I don’t think I’d be entirely comfortable sliding my hands up and down the insides of another guy’s thighs and buttocks. Especially, if he’s getting into it, with included wink, nudge and smile. I’d be afraid I’d come across a metallic business card on his person, designed to purposely set off the metal detector wand. Then he’d smile enticingly and say, “That’s for you, Handsome!” Plus, what if I’m the typical hetero passenger, and I’m suspecting the fu is showing a little too much enthusiasm for his work? Can I request a change of venue, so to speak?
The sheep who say, “Well, I don’t mind the inconvenience because this keeps us all safer” seem to assume that everyone carries the same security risk. That 90-year-old woman with the walker? Watch out! The walker could be a deviously designed rocket launcher! The baby with the bottle could really be drinking molecular acid, which will dissolve the skin of the jet, just like in “Aliens.” Never mind that the kid is drinking it without ill effects. I read on the internet that North Koreans are training special secret agent babies to feign drinking the acid, so they can spit it on nosy fu’s. At least I think it was the internet. Maybe Glenn Beck?
It’s sad to think that the only positive step the airlines has taken in 30 years is banning smoking. Every other misadventure has been downhill. After all, what other corporate business model tells its customers, “Arrive 3 hours early, for our convenience and to help get through massive, disorganized delays going from your ticket check-in to your overbooked flight. Mostly you will wait, but some of that time you might get to sit down. And don’t worry about that bottled water you had to give up at security. We’ll sell you a fresh one for $5 once you’re past security. Just be glad that widespread body cavity searches haven’t taken hold… yet. Of course, nobody from the TSA will ever be subjected to one of THOSE! They just carry their privates in a strap on, diplomatic pouch.

Lion down on the job

November 15, 2010

A zoo’s gorilla died and they couldn’t afford to buy a new one. So they hired an out of work actor to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be the real thing. It was working so well, that the actor really got into it, hamming it up, swinging around his cage, higher and higher. He swung so high he flew over his bars into the lion’s cage. The lion advanced toward him menacingly. He started shouting, “Help! Get me out of here!”
The lion said to him, “Keep it down; you trying to get us fired?!”

A lotto nerve

November 11, 2010

A husband burst through his front door and excitedly told his wife, “Pack your bags! I just won the lottery!”
“Fantastic,” she replied. “Should I pack for a warm or cold climate?”
The husband answered, “I don’t care; just get the hell out!”

A poet who grows it

November 5, 2010

A woman was considering breast implants when her best friend advised her to go see Dr. Finkelstein, who had a reputation of helping women enlarge their breasts without surgery. When she saw Dr. Finkelstein, he instructed, “Every day at precisely 12 noon, 5 P.M. and 10 P.M., you must thrust you chest forward repeatedly, while reciting, ‘Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow. And if I do this every day, my breasts are sure to grow!'”
She followed his advice, and indeed noticed a gradual increase in cup size.
One day, she was waiting for a bus and realized it was 5 P.M. and time for her “procedure.” She tried to be as unobtrusive as possible as she threw her chest forward and recited her poem. However, a man at the bus stop (now a “bust stop?”) struck up a conversation: “How long have you been seeing Dr. Finkelstein?”
The woman asked in astonishment, “How could you know I see Dr. Finkelstein?”
The man thrust his hips forward and recited, “Hickory dickory DOCK…!”

The dear hunter

November 3, 2010

Two hunters were in the woods when one of them climbed up a tree and remarked, “I can see your house from here, and, uh oh, I can your wife cheating on you with your next door neighbor.”
The other hunter said, “Shoot her in the head and shoot my neighbor in his privates!”
The hunter in the tree remarked, “That’ll take only one bullet.”