Archive for October, 2010

Punlitical humor

October 29, 2010

Is Congress’ seeming inability to hear the dissatisfaction of the electorate a new form of national deaficit?

Boorlitical science, or elect shuns

October 22, 2010

I will be so glad when the election is over and the political ads no longer dominate television. They are so creative in their sliminess. Apparently, candidates had better do background checks on everyone who donates money to their campaign. Otherwise, the opponent runs a commercial stating, “He has the support of the Jihadist Nazis!” Of course, if the candidate returns the money, he gets, “Then he tried to cover it up!” It’s the same for even the remotest forms of employment. “He employed illegals!” can mean you didn’t check the green card of your pizza delivery driver.
I wonder how low it will sink. Next round of elections might feature, “His children bribed the teacher into higher grades (they did extra credit)!” How about, “A huge cache of drugs was found in his home (medicine cabinet)!”
Or “He was spotted on LSD (Lake Shore Drive)!”
Any position a candidate takes on the issues can be twisted to ridiculous extreme. If a candidate favor decriminalizing marijuana, he can have fun defending, “He wants to pass out dime bags at grammar schools!” If the candidate promotes background checks before gun purchases, it’s “He doesn’t think people should be able to defend their homes from gang members who are high on free pot they got at school!” Of course, any position one takes on taxes is assailable. Lowering taxes means “He wants to throw the poor and seniors into the streets!” Raising taxes means, “He wants to eliminate the middle class!” Sigh…
Yes, let the political campaigns end, so I can get back to my Flo commercials (those insurance commercials).

Change of plans

October 18, 2010

A guy had the hots for this woman he worked with and kept propositioning her. One day he said, “I’ll throw $200 on the floor, and all I ask is to have my way with you until you pick it up.”
Intrigued, she called her boyfriend, who said, “Agree, and just pick up the money real fast. He won’t even have time to get his pants down.”
She called her boyfriend back 45 minutes later, all out of breath. The boyfriend asked, “What took you so long to call me back?”
She replied, “The bastard had all quarters!”

A vicious cycle

October 9, 2010

An old man on a bicycle pulled up next to a young guy in a sports car stopped at a red light. The old guy poked his head through the window and said, “That’s a pretty nice dashboard! What’s the top speed?”
The driver said, “About 175.” Then the light turned green and the young driver decided to impress the old bicyclist by peeling out. Much to his surprise, he saw the old guy in his side mirror, pedaling furiously, and keeping pace. The bicyclist seemed to be shouting something, perhaps mocking him. So he shifted into high gear and within seconds, was doing 70 MPH. He checked his side mirror, and amazingly, the old guy was still right behind him, pedaling away, and still shouting something. The driver slowed down to 40, and let the bicyclist pull alongside. The driver could then hear the bicyclist shouting, “Stop, so I can unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!”

Going on vacation; more jokes in a week!

A blight future

October 6, 2010

A 3rd grade teacher announced, “When I call on you, I want you to say what you want to be when you grow up, and spell it.”
She called on Ann, who said, “When I grow up, I want to be an artist. A-R-T-I-S-T.”
Then it was Timmy’s turn: “I want to be a fireman. F-I-R-E-M-A-N.”
She called on Clem, who said, “When ah grow up, ah want to be a psychiatrist. S-I-K… wait a second… S-E-Y-E… no, that’s not it, um, I’ll get it… S-I-C-K-I… duh, ah give up!”
Finally, the teacher called on Nick, who announced, “I want to be a Bookie, B-O-O-K-I-E. If I were a bookie right now, I’d lay you three-to-one odds that Clem ain’t never going to be a psychiatrist!”