Archive for June, 2010

Seeing the silver lining

June 30, 2010

A middle-aged couple was dining at a restaurant when they saw a male friend of the family sitting at the next table with a female companion. The wife inquired, “Who’s that with Harry?”
The husband replied, “His mistress.”
Just then, a buxom blond passed by the table and gave the husband a kiss on his cheek. His wife asked, “Who the hell is that?”
“My mistress,” he replied calmly.
The wife turned five shades of red and hissed, “I’m going to divorce you!”
The husband answered, “Don’t forget you signed that pre-nuptial agreement. You wouldn’t get much if you divorced me.”
The wife thought about it for a minute, then she said, “Our mistress is cuter!”

Extreme measures

June 22, 2010

It was so hot today that fire hydrants were flagging down dogs for relief.

Moving in the wrong direction

June 2, 2010

This is how far the Cubs have sunk:
1945: “Maybe we’ll win the World Series!”
2003: “Maybe we’ll get into the World Series!”
2007: “Maybe we’ll win a playoff series!”
2008 “Maybe we’ll win a playoff game!”
2009: “Maybe we’ll make the playoffs!”
2010: “Maybe we’ll win a game against the Pirates!”