Archive for March, 2010

multi-cultural humor

March 31, 2010

I read this joke years ago in a Spanish (in Spain) version of Playboy:

A guy stops by a mortuary and tells the owner his mother in law died.  The owner says, “Do you want to bury her or cremate her?”

“Both.”

“Why both?”

The guy replies, “To be sure.”

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A new species

March 26, 2010

What do you get if you combine Viagra with Rogaine?

Don King.

Revelation

March 24, 2010

Cats are so narcissistic.  For every cat, it’s all about meow.

From “Hooray for Yiddish”

March 23, 2010

My dad was laughing so hard when he read me this joke, he could barely get it out:

3 cross-eyed witnesses were testifying before a cross-eyed judge.  The judge asked the first witness, “What’s your name?”

The second witness said, “Harry Cohen.”

“I wasn’t talking to you!” the judge snapped.

“I didn’t say anything,” said the third witness.

Badvice

March 23, 2010

A guy was in Africa on safari.  He got separated from his group and suddenly found himself surrounded by 20 fierce-looking natives.  He thought to himself, “I am screwed!”

A voice in his head boomed, “No, you’re not screwed!”

“Who’s this?”

The voice responded, “This is G-d.  Listen carefully: grab the spear from the native nearest you and plunge it through the heart of their chief!”

The guy did as instructed, and as the native chief fell to the jungle floor in a pool of blood, the guy said to the voice, “Okay,I did it;  now what?”

The voice replied, “Now you’re screwed!”

The silver lining?

March 22, 2010

The U.S. House passed health care reform (deform, according to many).  Whether you’re for it or against it, you should appreciate the great increase in civic mindedness that will result.  Just think of the record number of Republicans who are going to turn out to vote in the mid-term elections!

Take the quiz

March 21, 2010

Israel recently announced the building of some new housing in east Jerusalem.

The Palestinian Authority recently named a town square in Ramallah after Dalal Mughrabi, a terrorist involved in bus bombings which killed 38 civilians, including 13 children.

Guess which of the above two actions brought outrage from the Obama administration?

My wife’s favorite joke

March 20, 2010

Two guys are camping in the woods.  One guy clutches his chest and falls unconscious.  The other guy calls 911 on his cell phone and tells the operator, “My friend might’ve had a heart attack.  I think he might be dead!”

The 911 operator said, “Calm down.  The first thing you should do is make sure he’s really dead.”

A few seconds later, the 911 operator heard the sound of a gunshot.  The guy got back on the phone and said, “Okay, now what?”

False accusation

March 19, 2010

Shortly after eating at a new restaurant, I was sick to my stomach.  At first I blamed the food I was served, until I found out a 24 hour stomach flu was going around the neighborhood.  Thus, I had been barfing up the wrong tree.

Political humor

March 18, 2010

What did Vladimir Lenin say when he had diarrhea?

“I’ve got the Trotskys!”